David Epston&Ronny

ronny在稍微不情愿地进入我的房屋和耻辱。我猜他知道有些东西,他愿意出现的事情。他的母亲和父亲有些更加坚定,但他的母亲莎拉,在我的存在下看起来不安。我介绍了自己,并寻求他们介绍自己。Ronny was nine according to his birth certificate, but when asked, ‘What age do you want me to think of you as – nine, ten or eleven?’, preferred to be thought of as a ten year old and that I ask him ten year old questions. I didn’t proceed from here in the conventional manner. Instead, I proposed the following to Ronny, ‘If I were you, I wouldn’t want to meet a middle-aged stranger like myself through a Problem.

如果我介绍了你的妈妈和爸爸的想法,你会介绍你对你的美好吗?“他看起来很困惑,但同时幸福地同意这种安排。I turned to his parents adding, ‘If we know what is so wonderful about Ronny, we will have some idea what he might put against the Problem, whatever the Problem may turn out to be.’ I suspect his parents hadn’t prepared themselves for such a line of enquiry and quite understandably were tongue-tied. I turned to Sarah and added, ‘What wonderful things are there about Ronny that indicate to you that you are the good mother you seek to be?’ Turning to his father, Jim, I asked something along the same lines. We all learned that Ronny possessed ‘a wonderful sense of humour’ that was both ‘somewhat original’ and ‘some copied’ like knock-knock jokes. I asserted that to be able to amuse adults, a person Ronny’s age would have to have ‘a way with words’. They both nodded in agreement and went on to tell me that ‘he is very thoughtful with words’ and gave me some clever examples of ‘double entendres’ that resided in their family history. We explored further the nature of his ‘wit’ and it extended to ‘repartee’ and his capacity to ‘hang out with his parents’ and enjoy the company of adults. And they had more to add about his ‘way with words’. ‘He is sharp with words .. subtle and dry but he can also be farcical.’



我脸为ronny,问他,他可能想把他的机智,他的“言语”和他的激烈决心所赐出来的东西,以便不杜绝在它。他挑选了他的“脾气”。我们都加入了这个讨论,即这个'脾气'是否在他生命中的一些不公正的辩解性道德愤怒',或者更像是“音调”。Ronny夺得了领先地提出它更像是“勇敢”,他的父母强烈支持这一点。我们都在探险了一些最近他的“脾气”的剧集。他们是莎拉要求他要么做一些像“清洁他的房间”或停止的东西,就像“缠着他的妹妹(五岁)”一样。当我问ronny如果这个“沮丧”是他想坚持的事情,他向我保证,这不是这种情况。Further enquiries as to the effects of the tantrumming on his estimate of his maturity (determined by age) clearly indicated that the tantrumming was ‘growing him down’ and his tantrums were now almost three years behind his ‘wit’, ‘way with words’ and his ‘passionate sportsmanship’. To my questions as to the ‘fairness’ and ‘rightness’ of tantrumming ‘growing him down’,

莎拉在这里加入了谈话并不同意。In fact, she now seemed able to assert her concerns that she was beginning to fear for the future, given she expected his tantrumming to increase as he got ‘bigger and stronger’ Jim said that, although he didn’t have the same problems with tantrumming, he was there to support Sarah. In discussion, this might just have been the luck of the draw because Jim couldn’t be certain that if he had to require Ronny to clean his room and wash the dishes, he might well have found himself on the wrong side of a tantrum. Enquiries to Sarah around the effects of the tantrumming on her and their mother-son relationship spelled out quite a rift. Sarah was starting to ‘walk on egg shells’ and ‘pussy-foot’ around Ronny. To my question, ‘Is the tantrumming starting to drive a wedge between you and Ronny, and between the kind of mother-son relationship you desire?’, she ruefully acknowledged that such a process was in place. Ronny hadn’t been aware of this and said that his preference was for a ‘close son-mother relationship’, one in which they could be at their ease with one another and be loving rather than ‘stand offish’ or ‘keeping your distance’.

只是为了确定,我用ronny检查,'如果你的音调停止,从未再次发生的话,你能看到你的任何缺点吗?“如果他的思考意味着什么,他会认真对待这一点。I proposed a few matters for him to consider – such as ‘Your mother may not pussyfoot around you anymore?’ ‘Fear may no longer have her shy away from making requests of you?’ Ronny, on balance, considered that the cessation of the tantrumming to be worthwhile.

“ronny”,我说,“我愿意给你的妈妈和爸爸一倍的钱回来保证,如果你愿意相信我,同意我的'脾气暴躁的方法'。I went over to my book shelf and took down a copy of ‘Experience, Contradiction, Narrative and Imagination’ (Epston and White,1992), and referred them to the outcome study in the chapter ‘Temper Tantrum Parties: Losing Face, Going Off Your Face or Saving Face’ ². Since the study included many other therapists, I mentioned my own outcomes as one hundred per cent successful, although admitting that Ronny might be the first to fail in ‘taming his temper’. Ronny didn’t look too worried by that. Jim joined the conversation and said that from his experience of Ronny, he would always want to know ahead of time what he was in for. ‘Ronny is just that kind of kid!’ I admitted that this would be the first time, but I accepted this about Ronny and would wait until everything was disclosed to him before seeking his consent.

每个人都要转向我继续。‘First of all, Ronny, if you were going to have a party and you could only have one kind of food, would it be a sweet or a savoury?’ Ronny was taken aback by where this was all going so I added a few possibilities, ‘Damon, who was twelve at the time, chose a chocolate cake? Isobel, who was fifteen, chose pumpkin pie. Jason, who was thirteen, wanted cornish pasties’. To my surprise, Ronny selected sushi as his food of choice. I turned to his parents and asked if Ronny was a ‘foodie’ too in addition to some of his other virtues. ‘Secondly, Ronny, when you are playing soccer, does the tantrumming ever take you over at a practice or during a match?’ He looked bemused by such a question and dismissed it out of hand, ‘Of course not!’ I responded enthusiastically, assuring everyone that I would be now willing to extend my money back guarantee to a ‘triple’ rather than a ‘double’.

我问萨拉,她是否感觉到他要发脾气了。她在这方面没有考虑到任何困难。“莎拉和吉姆,你们能准备一些卡片吗?一套你们自己带着,另一套放在壁炉架上或冰箱上这样方便的地方。”第一张卡片应该用大字写着:“罗尼,我想你要发脾气了!”“然后我建议,如果她发现罗尼开始发脾气,她只需把第一张卡片递给罗尼,转身离开,回到一个安全的地方,计时60秒。然后,她应该回去看看他们的脾气是否像往常一样,或者罗尼是否已经“驯服”了它。如果是后者,她应该为此向他表示祝贺,并在吉姆当晚下班回家时做些笔记告诉他。但是,如果他还是像往常一样发脾气,她就会把第二张卡片递给他,上面写着“预先录制警告1”,然后转身离开,过了一分钟再回来核对一次。如果罗尼在这个阶段就已经“驯服”了他的脾气,那么恭喜他并记笔记是有必要的。然而,如果他还是像往常一样发脾气,她就会把第三张卡片递给他,上面写着“预录第二张”,然后按照她之前做的那样,过一分钟再回来回顾情况。 Congrats and note-taking if Ronny had ‘tamed’ the tantrumming. If not, the fourth and final card would be handed over which would read, ‘Final Warning – Recording will start in 60 second’s time!’ This time she should go and prepare the audio-tape recorder they had on hand (or a video-camera if they had access to that), keep a safe distance and just record the tantrum.



我想邀请你在..(留下一个空白,因为你很可能不需要填写它)。(留下一个空白,因为你很可能不用决定聚会开始的时间)..去参加寿司和发脾气派对你可能不知道,我的脾气已经让我在家里变成了一个七岁的孩子。我和父母咨询了叙事治疗师大卫·爱普斯顿(David Epston)的意见,但成年人似乎帮不了我。但我知道你能做到,因为当我们在训练和比赛中都是队友时,我的脾气从来不会控制我,即使我们在比赛中进了球。所以我知道当你看到或听到他们发脾气的时候,你会想出一些好主意来帮助我“驯服”它。我知道我可以依靠你,就像你可以依靠我一样像一只猎狐犬一样对付对手,永远不会让团队失望。






















罗尼在一个月的时间和他的母亲一起回到了他的母亲,尽管他遭受了寒冷的事实,但有点黯淡。尽管如此,他还决心报告他的研究。莎拉很高兴地宣布了“一百百分之一百百分之一百百分之一的改善”,与“他愿意倾听”和她的信念,“他正在控制他的脾气”。Ronny thought there had been a fifty to sixty per cent improvement, and it was all because- ‘I didn’t want that (the sushi and temper tantrum party) to happen.’ Although that had only been three first cards, Sarah had observed on every occasion that ‘he was composed and there was no grimacing.’ What reassured her most about his capability to ‘tame his temper’ was watching his response to being issued the very first card. ‘The first time I could see him take control of himself. It was amazing .. such a huge relief. I was very proud of him and proud of ourselves that we did something about it.’ Apparently they had been thinking about a referral over the past year.



ronny向我保证,他不仅会回到他的年龄,而且还要追溯到一个十一岁的年龄。当我询问为什么他这样做了,“我喜欢它......它只是让我感觉更加成长'。莎拉同意现在他们能够在“改善的氛围”中拥有“更加成年的对话”。When I asked Ronny to consult to another young boy, he produced laughter all round yet again by his remark, ‘I would ask him what his favourite food was.’ Ronny did express concern that his temper could make a come-back but his mother thought that was very unlikely. He summed it all up, ‘If you try, you can stop it!’


罗尼提出了标题。谢谢罗尼!这是在2003年11月27日的叙事网络新闻中发表的第一次出版。14-17。我感谢编辑,Susan Corby,她的许可在这里重印这一点。



再也没有发生过60 45

大幅减少56 42

大幅减少10 8

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没有改变2 2

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总计131 100%