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David Epston&Ronny

ronny在稍微不情愿地进入我的房屋和耻辱。我猜他知道有些东西,他愿意出现的事情。他的母亲和父亲有些更加坚定,但他的母亲莎拉,在我的存在下看起来不安。我介绍了自己,并寻求他们介绍自己。Ronny was nine according to his birth certificate, but when asked, ‘What age do you want me to think of you as – nine, ten or eleven?’, preferred to be thought of as a ten year old and that I ask him ten year old questions. I didn’t proceed from here in the conventional manner. Instead, I proposed the following to Ronny, ‘If I were you, I wouldn’t want to meet a middle-aged stranger like myself through a Problem.

如果我介绍了你的妈妈和爸爸的想法,你会介绍你对你的美好吗?“他看起来很困惑,但同时幸福地同意这种安排。I turned to his parents adding, ‘If we know what is so wonderful about Ronny, we will have some idea what he might put against the Problem, whatever the Problem may turn out to be.’ I suspect his parents hadn’t prepared themselves for such a line of enquiry and quite understandably were tongue-tied. I turned to Sarah and added, ‘What wonderful things are there about Ronny that indicate to you that you are the good mother you seek to be?’ Turning to his father, Jim, I asked something along the same lines. We all learned that Ronny possessed ‘a wonderful sense of humour’ that was both ‘somewhat original’ and ‘some copied’ like knock-knock jokes. I asserted that to be able to amuse adults, a person Ronny’s age would have to have ‘a way with words’. They both nodded in agreement and went on to tell me that ‘he is very thoughtful with words’ and gave me some clever examples of ‘double entendres’ that resided in their family history. We explored further the nature of his ‘wit’ and it extended to ‘repartee’ and his capacity to ‘hang out with his parents’ and enjoy the company of adults. And they had more to add about his ‘way with words’. ‘He is sharp with words .. subtle and dry but he can also be farcical.’

这让我进一步询问,“Ronny的思想是如何运作的?”他们将他的思想描述为“探究”。..他对很多东西很好奇。..他的兴趣可以从左上的场上出来,并让他们惊喜。当我探索了这种方式的“族古”,他用了他的思想,结果表明是一个很好的比赛'我们(家庭)互动风格'。吉姆是一名职业生命和家中的研究员,罗尼在“研究”中的各种共同利益中加入了他。

除了他的机智和思想的工作之外,父母双方都采取了相当大的骄傲,“他对体育和特别的板球充满热情”。他们大声笑着记住他说的第一个单词是'球。'除了罗尼最深刻的印象是对他来说最让人印象的事实,这是他在他的“顽强地解决”中的足球中。即使他在构建中略微略微,他也不会担心这个人的大小。此外,我被告知,当一个对手出欺骗他并经过他时,Ronny会变得更加确定。这会让他的对手唤醒他的决心。事实上,他在他的戏剧中赢得了他的俱乐部奖。当我询问他的俱乐部中有一个“尼克名字”时,我们都笑了,当吉姆告诉我'FOXY',逃避狐狸梗犬后。到目前为止,每个人都在内的每个人都在奇怪的环境和努力(治疗)之前看起来更舒适。

我脸为ronny,问他,他可能想把他的机智,他的“言语”和他的激烈决心所赐出来的东西,以便不杜绝在它。他挑选了他的“脾气”。我们都加入了这个讨论,即这个'脾气'是否在他生命中的一些不公正的辩解性道德愤怒',或者更像是“音调”。Ronny夺得了领先地提出它更像是“勇敢”,他的父母强烈支持这一点。我们都在探险了一些最近他的“脾气”的剧集。他们是莎拉要求他要么做一些像“清洁他的房间”或停止的东西,就像“缠着他的妹妹(五岁)”一样。当我问ronny如果这个“沮丧”是他想坚持的事情,他向我保证,这不是这种情况。Further enquiries as to the effects of the tantrumming on his estimate of his maturity (determined by age) clearly indicated that the tantrumming was ‘growing him down’ and his tantrums were now almost three years behind his ‘wit’, ‘way with words’ and his ‘passionate sportsmanship’. To my questions as to the ‘fairness’ and ‘rightness’ of tantrumming ‘growing him down’,

莎拉在这里加入了谈话并不同意。In fact, she now seemed able to assert her concerns that she was beginning to fear for the future, given she expected his tantrumming to increase as he got ‘bigger and stronger’ Jim said that, although he didn’t have the same problems with tantrumming, he was there to support Sarah. In discussion, this might just have been the luck of the draw because Jim couldn’t be certain that if he had to require Ronny to clean his room and wash the dishes, he might well have found himself on the wrong side of a tantrum. Enquiries to Sarah around the effects of the tantrumming on her and their mother-son relationship spelled out quite a rift. Sarah was starting to ‘walk on egg shells’ and ‘pussy-foot’ around Ronny. To my question, ‘Is the tantrumming starting to drive a wedge between you and Ronny, and between the kind of mother-son relationship you desire?’, she ruefully acknowledged that such a process was in place. Ronny hadn’t been aware of this and said that his preference was for a ‘close son-mother relationship’, one in which they could be at their ease with one another and be loving rather than ‘stand offish’ or ‘keeping your distance’.

只是为了确定,我用ronny检查,'如果你的音调停止,从未再次发生的话,你能看到你的任何缺点吗?“如果他的思考意味着什么,他会认真对待这一点。I proposed a few matters for him to consider – such as ‘Your mother may not pussyfoot around you anymore?’ ‘Fear may no longer have her shy away from making requests of you?’ Ronny, on balance, considered that the cessation of the tantrumming to be worthwhile.

“ronny”,我说,“我愿意给你的妈妈和爸爸一倍的钱回来保证,如果你愿意相信我,同意我的'脾气暴躁的方法'。I went over to my book shelf and took down a copy of ‘Experience, Contradiction, Narrative and Imagination’ (Epston and White,1992), and referred them to the outcome study in the chapter ‘Temper Tantrum Parties: Losing Face, Going Off Your Face or Saving Face’ ². Since the study included many other therapists, I mentioned my own outcomes as one hundred per cent successful, although admitting that Ronny might be the first to fail in ‘taming his temper’. Ronny didn’t look too worried by that. Jim joined the conversation and said that from his experience of Ronny, he would always want to know ahead of time what he was in for. ‘Ronny is just that kind of kid!’ I admitted that this would be the first time, but I accepted this about Ronny and would wait until everything was disclosed to him before seeking his consent.

每个人都要转向我继续。‘First of all, Ronny, if you were going to have a party and you could only have one kind of food, would it be a sweet or a savoury?’ Ronny was taken aback by where this was all going so I added a few possibilities, ‘Damon, who was twelve at the time, chose a chocolate cake? Isobel, who was fifteen, chose pumpkin pie. Jason, who was thirteen, wanted cornish pasties’. To my surprise, Ronny selected sushi as his food of choice. I turned to his parents and asked if Ronny was a ‘foodie’ too in addition to some of his other virtues. ‘Secondly, Ronny, when you are playing soccer, does the tantrumming ever take you over at a practice or during a match?’ He looked bemused by such a question and dismissed it out of hand, ‘Of course not!’ I responded enthusiastically, assuring everyone that I would be now willing to extend my money back guarantee to a ‘triple’ rather than a ‘double’.

我问萨拉,她是否感觉到他要发脾气了。她在这方面没有考虑到任何困难。“莎拉和吉姆,你们能准备一些卡片吗?一套你们自己带着,另一套放在壁炉架上或冰箱上这样方便的地方。”第一张卡片应该用大字写着:“罗尼,我想你要发脾气了!”“然后我建议,如果她发现罗尼开始发脾气,她只需把第一张卡片递给罗尼,转身离开,回到一个安全的地方,计时60秒。然后,她应该回去看看他们的脾气是否像往常一样,或者罗尼是否已经“驯服”了它。如果是后者,她应该为此向他表示祝贺,并在吉姆当晚下班回家时做些笔记告诉他。但是,如果他还是像往常一样发脾气,她就会把第二张卡片递给他,上面写着“预先录制警告1”,然后转身离开,过了一分钟再回来核对一次。如果罗尼在这个阶段就已经“驯服”了他的脾气,那么恭喜他并记笔记是有必要的。然而,如果他还是像往常一样发脾气,她就会把第三张卡片递给他,上面写着“预录第二张”,然后按照她之前做的那样,过一分钟再回来回顾情况。 Congrats and note-taking if Ronny had ‘tamed’ the tantrumming. If not, the fourth and final card would be handed over which would read, ‘Final Warning – Recording will start in 60 second’s time!’ This time she should go and prepare the audio-tape recorder they had on hand (or a video-camera if they had access to that), keep a safe distance and just record the tantrum.

然后我继续前进,“谁是你的三个最好的足球伙伴,罗尼?”蒂姆,特里和井架!“他自豪地告诉我。将我的评论指向每个人,我说,“最后,今晚回家和ronny,如果你自己写信,那么如果你发现太难了,你的父母可以为你做。我提出了以下字母作为其中的模板:

亲爱的Tim,Terry或Derrick,

我想邀请你在..(留下一个空白,因为你很可能不需要填写它)。(留下一个空白,因为你很可能不用决定聚会开始的时间)..去参加寿司和发脾气派对你可能不知道,我的脾气已经让我在家里变成了一个七岁的孩子。我和父母咨询了叙事治疗师大卫·爱普斯顿(David Epston)的意见,但成年人似乎帮不了我。但我知道你能做到,因为当我们在训练和比赛中都是队友时,我的脾气从来不会控制我,即使我们在比赛中进了球。所以我知道当你看到或听到他们发脾气的时候,你会想出一些好主意来帮助我“驯服”它。我知道我可以依靠你,就像你可以依靠我一样像一只猎狐犬一样对付对手,永远不会让团队失望。

你的朋友,

罗尼。

罗尼和我的目光相遇了。他深吸了一口气,明确地说:“这招会管用的!”我知道罗尼以机智著称,但我想知道他和他的父母,还有一个相对陌生的人,是否曾经笑得这么大声,笑得这么久。“罗尼,如果是这样的话,你能不能帮我和其他年轻人做点什么,让他们不再发脾气?”在他同意之前,他想知道所有的细节。“好吧,罗尼,在所有那些‘驯服’自己脾气的年轻男女中,据我所知没有一个是研究人员。吉姆在这一点上提到,实际上罗尼曾在一项研究中做过无偿的“研究员”。我问罗尼,他是否愿意看看他在“驯服”它的过程中“发脾气”的样子,或者真的记住它,或者做些笔记。随着时间的推移,我想说的是,他的研究可以帮助其他年轻人“成长”到他们的年龄,甚至超过他们的年龄,如果他们像罗尼一样的话。我同意邮寄一些研究问题给他。我们同意一个月后再见面,把他的“发脾气知识”录下来,供其他人学习。

以下是通过邮寄方式向他转发的研究问题的信:

亲爱的罗尼,

我真的很喜欢在另一个晚上见到你。你真的让我想起了我自己,因为我在演奏运动时被称为类似于“狐狸犬”的东西。就像你一样,即使有人过于我,我拒绝放弃。事实上,这会让我更加确定。你找到了吗?

由于我从未有幸遇到过像你这样年纪的年轻人有做研究助理的经验,“发脾气派对”的想法虽然多年来很成功,但从未被研究过。我想知道你是否可以考虑以下的一些“研究问题”,当你成长自己走出问题。毕竟,我认为这是不公平的,一个问题会让你变成7岁,而事实上,你的其他一切都表明你不止是10岁或11岁。

这里是:

1)ronny,当脾气即可开始,你的母亲给了你第一张牌,你在你的脑海中做了什么,让它从你带走和羞辱你?

2)ronny,第二次你的脾气开始越来越多,你发现你最容易做的是你所做的一切吗?

3)RONNY,如果您没有在您的脑海中没有“寿司和脾气暴躁”的前景,您认为自己在第一个地方做了什么吗?

4)RONNY,为什么你可以在你的妈妈和爸爸面前申报你知道'那将是工作'吗?是什么让你如此肯定?

罗尼,你能像这样控制自己的脾气,这让你觉得自己很老了,甚至比10岁、11岁、9岁的孩子更成熟了吗?

6)RONNY,如果八岁或九岁的男孩来找你并说,'Ronny,帮助我!我无法控制我的脾气!我恨它?但我可以做到这一点..它只是发生了!你会给他什么建议?

7)ronny,一般来说,你现在的意见是什么意思'脾气发光'?

罗尼,我非常感谢你的帮助。毕竟,你会相信我遇到的十五百万%的年轻人被他们的脾气发光的“成长”?

你的共同研究,

大卫埃普斯顿,

访问教授,

社区研究学院,

核开技术研究所

罗尼在一个月的时间和他的母亲一起回到了他的母亲,尽管他遭受了寒冷的事实,但有点黯淡。尽管如此,他还决心报告他的研究。莎拉很高兴地宣布了“一百百分之一百百分之一百百分之一的改善”,与“他愿意倾听”和她的信念,“他正在控制他的脾气”。Ronny thought there had been a fifty to sixty per cent improvement, and it was all because- ‘I didn’t want that (the sushi and temper tantrum party) to happen.’ Although that had only been three first cards, Sarah had observed on every occasion that ‘he was composed and there was no grimacing.’ What reassured her most about his capability to ‘tame his temper’ was watching his response to being issued the very first card. ‘The first time I could see him take control of himself. It was amazing .. such a huge relief. I was very proud of him and proud of ourselves that we did something about it.’ Apparently they had been thinking about a referral over the past year.

罗尼并没有“真的感到骄傲,但我不认为这没什么”。当我问他是否认为“派对”的想法会在他8岁时奏效,而不是9岁时,他告诉我,“我认为会,但我不是百分之百确定”。罗尼认为,如果没有“派对”提议,他的脾气可能会很好地控制住,但这可能又需要两年的时间。

他的母亲报告说“合作程度提高了60%”,这种合作对母子关系有多么有利,“我让他做一些我知道他不会不高兴的事情会更容易些。”我不再害怕(冲突升级)。”她提到,自从他驯服了自己的脾气,“我们有更多的时间来讨价还价,他也不会那么生气了。”而且他在任何交易中都坚持自己的立场。

ronny向我保证,他不仅会回到他的年龄,而且还要追溯到一个十一岁的年龄。当我询问为什么他这样做了,“我喜欢它......它只是让我感觉更加成长'。莎拉同意现在他们能够在“改善的氛围”中拥有“更加成年的对话”。When I asked Ronny to consult to another young boy, he produced laughter all round yet again by his remark, ‘I would ask him what his favourite food was.’ Ronny did express concern that his temper could make a come-back but his mother thought that was very unlikely. He summed it all up, ‘If you try, you can stop it!’

笔记

罗尼提出了标题。谢谢罗尼!这是在2003年11月27日的叙事网络新闻中发表的第一次出版。14-17。我感谢编辑,Susan Corby,她的许可在这里重印这一点。

脾气暴躁的派对:拯救面部,丢失的脸,或脱掉你的脸!“在Epston,D。和White,M(1992),经验,矛盾,叙事和想象力,德尔威治中心出版物,阿德莱德,南澳大利亚,PPS。37-74。

结果

再也没有发生过60 45

大幅减少56 42

大幅减少10 8

减少2 2

没有改变2 2

增加1 1

总计131 100%

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